When and How to End a Dysfunctional Relationship
By McKenzie Collins on 2017-01-27
Is your relationship healthy? Unsure how to end it if not? Find out below.
It’s important that we learn to recognize if and when our relationship has become dysfunctional. How can we possibly be aware of the transition? Believe it or not, it’s quite simple. It needn’t be overthought. Whether we know in detail or not, we can trust our familiarity with the following fundamentals of a positive relationship.
A relationship should bring us happiness. Even the presence of our other half should act to lift our day. Our partner should bring out the best in us. They should motivate us and encourage us. It should be in their interest that we strive for our goals, do well and find happiness. They should offer us care and love.
In the case we aren’t receiving the above from our relationship, there exists an issue. Whereby happiness is replaced with grief, encouragement with put-downs, and love with hatred - even in the most minor of circumstances - this can be a sign of a dysfunctional relationship.
If you are fighting regularly, if your partner is not prioritizing you or your needs, if they are attacking (physically or emotionally) the individual that you are, this characterizes a toxic relationship. Of course, if and whereby you find yourself in this scenario, the first solution is to talk it out. To address the issue. To attempt to solve it.
First things first, bring up your discomforts with your partner. Let them know how you feel as a result of their actions. Then, hear them out too. If both of you are willing to repair what is currently dysfunctional - whether this involves compromise or active changes from the two of you - then there may be a chance this fault is only temporary.
Nonetheless, if your partner is unwilling or even refuses to acknowledge the dysfunction in the relationship, it is just to end it. A partner should be a positive influence, and if for the most part they struggle to be so, they are not worth inclusion in your life. Harsh as it may sound, you are better off alone.
The idea of ending a dysfunctional relationship - particularly one which has lasted a fair time - can seem daunting. Don’t be put off by the fact. Talk to your partner. Explain how you feel, and state in exact words that you want to stop seeing them. Stay true to your word. Don’t be persuaded back into a negative circumstance. Go into a conversation knowing how you plan to leave it.
If you cannot for whatever reason do it alone, by all means, bring in a secondary person. This person will not only act as an impartial witness; they will provide you with enough strength and support to see the act through. You’ll be obliged to carry out your intentions, and less likely to be threatened both emotionally and physically alongside the presence of another.
Alone or accompanied, once you’ve informed your partner of your decision, shift the focus back to you. Detach yourself from the past and move forward into the future. Remind yourself that you’re no longer stuck in that detrimental place. Don’t let it trap you any longer than it already has. Instead, acknowledge the window of opportunity which has become yours to utilize.
Avoid continuing relations with this person. You’re strong: prove it to yourself and detach completely. Even if your relationship had become comfortable, get uncomfortable again. The feeling won’t last. Down the track, you’ll meet someone who treats you right and you’ll learn your own value. You’ll thank yourself for being so brave in a time when it was most difficult.
Remember youthful relationships should be characterized by fun, experimentation and lesson-learning. If, at any given stage in your life, your relationship stops teaching you things about yourself and the other individual, and importantly, making you happy, it is essential for your own sake that you break it off. Don’t be afraid. Staying true to your own happiness will always prove a worthwhile endeavor.